July 24, 2006

Thai is notorious for setting traps for unwary foreigners through its tones (also by using some tricky vowel sounds).

Here are some howlers reportedly uttered by farangs:

He’s sleepy- that’s why he’s barking
I couldn’t sleep last night because the dogs were yawning

He’s got a bad cold- it makes him shy.
She didn’t want to take her clothes off because she was coughing.
I’m coughing because I don’t know you properly yet.

Can I see the elephant who usually cuts my hair, please.
We went to the zoo to feed the craftsmen.
I’ve just been for a haircut but the elephant didn’t do a very good job
I’d like a haircut. Wait a moment and I’ll call the elephant.
We went for a ride on a craftsman. It was great.

My dreams are aching.
I slept well and I had a good tooth

Where did you get that ring ? Uncle’s lost.

He’s not feeling well- he is an egg.
I’m not hungry- I’ll just have a fever.

Did you see the rice on television ?
They’re growing news in that field

Women like him- he’s a wheel

It’s going to rain- better take the wind with you
The umbrella was so strong I fell off my bike

At football matches you often see policemen riding dogs
The horses were barking all night.
She keeps four horses and they all sleep in the bed with her.

Is your blouse made of cotton. No, of wood
I’d rather live in a house made of silk.

I don’t feel well- you should go and see a saucepan
Can you put the doctor on the stove
I forgot about the milk and now I’ve burnt the doctor
Where did you get that medicine ? A saucepan gave it me
The water has boiled- you’d better take the doctor off the stove

Noi has a pimple on her rice field
Everyday she spends 8 hours working on her face

I’m feeling sexy- can you give me a moustache ?
What don’t you like about him ? I don’t like his hair or his massage

He lost the game so he threw his paddle at me
I don’t play with paddles for money

Is there a shop near here that sells sex ?
The Government should stop young people going into the jewelry trade.

Please iron my tiger for me
I like tiger you’re wearing- where did you buy it ?
I bought a new tiger but it’s too small for me

I walked past this cage and a shirt roared at me

I was quite excited as she started to fry her clothes
Shall I take off my eggs ?

I wanted some aspirins so I went to a shop that sells grandmothers
I went to see the doctor about my back and he gave me some grass
We have enough flowers- I’d like to plant some medicine over there.
If you’ve got a headache you should eat grass.

I want to buy a girl to put outside my house
Driving our of the garage, I reversed into a girl
Let’s have some fun- let’s go and look for a pillar.
When he wants to have some fun he goes out to try and pick up a pillar.

I put my boyfriend in the cupboard
You’ve put too many of your boyfriends in the wardrobe.
Boyfriend- you know what you hang your clothes on.
How long have your known your coat hanger ?
She’s sad because she’s just split up with her coat hanger.

Kraprong/ krapawng

The villagers here catch fish and put them in skirts.
What a pretty tin can you are wearing !
Do you like your pineapples fresh or in a skirt ?

khon kae
I bought a pullover made out of old people.
In England old people are made into pullovers.
In the West there are special homes for sheep’s hair. It’s quite sad- people don’t want to look after their sheep’s hair as they do in Thailand.

Are you married ? No, I’m fresh.
I like to eat fruit that’s unmarried

sai nom
I’ll have a cup of coffee. There’s no need to shake your breasts (put milk in it)

phee seua

Look, there’s a tiger ghost sitting on the flower.

Come and sit on my beard.
He’s just grown a knee.

khee chang
How much is your workman’s shit ?
Butterflies like to ride elephants
Elephant shit is dangerous- you can easily fall off.

Unprotected sex makes a lot of noise.
When she sings there is a beautiful risk.

Can you close the window- I’m rotten.
Don’t’ eat that apple- it’s cold


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