God’s Total Quality Management Questionnaire

July 31, 2006

God would like to thank you for believing in and worshiping Him. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.1. How did you find out about God?

a. Newspaper or Television
b. Divine visitation
c. Parent or Sunday school teacher
d. Near Death Experience
e. Bible
f. Other (e.g.Preacher)

2. Which best describes you? Please select one
a. repentant sinner
b. unrepentant sinner
c. repentant unsinner
d. unrepentant unsinner

3. Are you currently using any other aids to salvation in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

a. Tarot
b. Lottery
c. Horoscope
d. Devil worship
e. Self-help books
f. Sex
g. Alcohol or drugs
h. Life insurance policies

4. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don’t know

5. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 – 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory,
5=excellent):

a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 1 2 3 4 5

b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets) 1 2 3 4 5

6. If you have had occasion to pray in the last month, please rate the quality of service provided on a scale of 1 to 5:

a. Speed of response to your initial enquiry
b. Ease of getting through to the right person
c. Understanding your needs
d. Politeness and helpfulness of divine staff
e. Answering of your prayers on time and to your specifications
f. Access to technical experts
g. Opening hours/access

7. If you have sinned in the last week, did you:
a. pray for forgiveness
b. down an extra pint
c. give generously to a church collection
d. enjoy it and sin again

Thanks so much for filling out the survey. Your participation will be taken into account on Judgement Day.
PS see God’s webpage http://www.Godsblog.com and take advantage of special promotions- TWO SOULS SAVED FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: