news round-up

August 4, 2006

Jockey banned for butting horse
A wave of head-butting is sweeping through sport. Following Mr Zidane’s example jockey Paul O’Neill head-butted his horse at Startford. Now Michael Schumacher has reportedly head butted his Ferrari resulting in 1.2 million dollars damage to the car and only minor and barely noticeable brain damage to the German ace.

Ex-diplomat calls for Blair to go
Sir Rodric Braithwaite compared Mr Blair to a “waxy zombie straight from Madame Tussaud’s”. Now that is rather unfair. To the best of my knowledge none of Mme T’s figures have manipulated public opinion or lied about taking the country to war.

Long arm of the lord (or: if all else fails…)
A rural police constabulary is calling on the ultimate special constable to help in its fight against crime: God. Police let communities know about specific incidents in their area so they can focus their prayers on them if they wish.” Don Axcell, a retired police officer and head of the national CPA, said: “I think the scheme is a brilliant idea. If there’s a spate of burglaries in an area, let’s get people praying for a result. All I’d say to the sceptics is that I’ve seen prayer work too many times for it to be a coincidence.” Success in the war on crime? That really would be a miracle.

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