more silly verse part 2

August 5, 2006

Tom Lee, he’s unstoppable!

It’s cool to be cool

It’s cool to be cool
And float in the gene pool
Where the jelly-fish rule
You think you’re nobody’s fool
He hissed as he vaulted the foot stool
and sneered at the staff of his primary school
I know I’m the bees knees but you’ll
never figure, you’re not in the frame buddie, you’re as stale as the yule
decorations we mopped up in May and the wizened old rocker who’ll
suck the life from his fag while his testicles shake and drool
at the sight of a child nymphomaniac you like to think of yourself as the jewel
in the family crown just cos you sip an aperitif before your game of boules
youre’one spanner short of a tool
box kid to my way of thinking you’re just an apostolopoul
so go back to liverpool, blackpool,hartlepool or pontypool
there’s no gold in your lool
you’re as fearsome to me as a wurbagool
and when it’s your time to go bung it won’t be with a bang or a roar but an ool.
An unwitting, atonal ool.

I wandered lonely as a cloud

‘I wandered lonely as a cloud’
The poet wrote
Now if you want my opinion, fella don’t know what he’s on about
For starters clouds dont wander do they?
Not according to my dictionary which says
wander: ‘walk in a leisurely, casual, or aimless way
be unfaithful to one’s regular sexual partner’.
now walking around being unfaithful to their regular sexual partner is not something
you see clouds doing a lot of these days at least
Then who ever saw a cloud lonely
You just don’t get one cloud in t’ sky
If you’re going have clouds the sky’s full on them
Specially when you’re taking missus to seaside and you dont want her nagging
away in back of car all the time
Lonely as a Lincoln city football club supporter mebbe
but who ever saw a cloud sulking in an empty bar with the dregs of a pint of Tetley’s
in front of it?
Clouds like horses stately and proud,
clouds like the hands of the Almighty or the bones of a prophet wrapped in a shroud
if you see one cloud
there’s always a crowd
in the sky for crying out loud
No, Mr Coleridge or whoever it were, maybe you should consider getting a day job
and giving up your poetry writing
Try DIY for a change that does wonders for you peccadillos or so I’m told and if
you’re that lonely how’d
You like to get yourself down to the local Poets Union
Where the other no-hopers like to hang out what have never done a decent day’s
work between them in their life no doubt or plouughed
a fallow field or wowed
a frolicing maiden in thick grass on the outskirts of Stroud
Not that I’m against poetry, don’t get me wrong, it has its place I don’t deny
though where that is I’d be hard pressed to say to be perfectly honest with you
They say he’s a romantic this fella but that don’t sound too romantic to me, not if
you’re on your own and feeling like the backside of an Aberdeen Angus
and moping around on yer own won’t do you any good and only leads to lonely vices
what you don’t see clouds doing much of an’all unless i am vey much mistaken
And pretending you’re a cloud
won’t do you any good mister when that parking attendant comes or Sergeant Mcleod
decides to hand you an ASBO
‘I was feeling like a cloud your honour at the time is a defence that’s unlikely to be allowed’
‘So after a caution, young Mr Shelley, who the ladies say is well endowed,
an avowed
philanderer and time waster. bloodied but unbowed
but just a little cowed,
vowed
he would never write about another cloud’.

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