news round-up

August 24, 2006

Authorities in China are stopping strippers from performing at funerals.China has set up a hotline where people can report “funeral misdeeds”. Hats off to the Chinese- if anyone starts taking their clothes off or telling Benny Hill jokes at mine I will be the first to complain.

North Wales is facing a gold rush after ‘whale vomit’ was found washed up on its beaches. The stuff is apparently used to produce perfume and can fetch more than £10 a gram. (mmm darling, what is that sexy perfume you’re wearing? Whale vomit. No, darling, just feeling a little tired….)

A Polish man who had his tongue removed has had a new one made using tissue taken from his buttocks.He was given encouragement by a man who uses a nearby part of his anatomy to communicate. Mr GW Bush of Texas said ‘you’ll love it, it works just dandy.’

A footballer’s partner was accused of attacking someone she ‘merely tried to fend her off with her £1,500 Chloe snakeskin Betty bag.’ An original choice of weapon, if I may say so, which can cause considerable discomfort if directed at the appropriate part of the anatomy. No doubt Sir Ian Blair will be reommending them as a means of self-defence against (the very unlikely chance of) being mugged.

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