Breakfast at the Blairs 9

August 28, 2006

Mr B. is sitting quietly gazing out of the window (or ‘grey sky thinking’ as he likes to put it). The house is silent as Mrs B and tribe are still on holiday. The peace of the morning is suddenly shattered by the arrival of a shock-haired harridan waving a sheaf of glossy brochures marked ‘I am your life coach’ as the butler with a pained expression announces ‘Ms Di Versity to see you , Sir.’
Mr B Hello, Di
Ms V Morning, Tony. Oh dear, I see you have ownership of two fried eggs, I told you in no uncertain terms to take delivery of one egg only. Healthy body, healthy mind and all that.
Mr B Yes, but…
Ms V Well, just let’s move on, shall we? Now, what problems are you going to download to me this morning?
Mr B Problems? Well, actually I don’t have any problems, apart form that damned baby at number 11 keeping me awake half the night.
Ms V Now that’s not a very progressive attitude, is it? We all have problems. That’s what I’m here for. Take Africa, for example. A lot of people think you’re obsessed with it.
Mr B Yes, I am. For reasons of moral purpose of course. Also it plays well with some of the kids and doesn’t cost a lot.
Ms V You’re attacked from the right for eroding our traditional British civil liberties…..
Mr B Yeah, big deal, don’t worry about that bunch of tribal politicians.
Ms V ….and from the left for undermining the NHS.
Mr B Who cares. Cross-dressing, that’s what it’s about these days. You’ve got to be open, change with the times, that sort of thing..
Ms V A lot of people say you’re too ambitious in the radical nature of your policy changes…
Mr B (laughs) Ambitious? Moi?
Ms V What about your style of leadership, many people don’t like that.
Mr B Leadership? I’ll tell you what leadership means. It means back your instinct, go with your gut, sock it to ’em, yeah!
Ms V You have many opponents on the subject of terrorism, Iraq etc.Share with me some of your anxieties on these issues.
Mr B Look, Di, I have complete inner-confidence in my values, my ideas, my choice of ties.. Just let me have that second fried egg, would you?
Ms V (sighs) Well, I hope I have empowered you to take forward your agenda for the day.
Mr B Yes, cool. See you around. And send the bill to Number 11 would you?

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