Granny bashing

October 8, 2006

POLICE swooped on a gran of two for not throwing back a neighbour’s football. Angela Hickling, 56, was arrested then had her photograph, fingerprints and DNA taken. Police spent several days taking statements. Officers scoured her garden and rifled through drawers and cupboards after neighbour Christopher Salisbury claimed she had kept the ball. She insists it never landed in her garden.
Meanwhile, another grandmother aged 81 stunned wheel clampers by grabbing a lump hammer from her car and wrecking their van. “I felt ten years younger,” she said.

lump.jpg
It’s clear that it’s not teenage yobs and hoodies that are the menace in our society, but grannies. Or is that setting up and defining too much a ’self’ and ‘other’, Ms Butts?

Another report claims that ‘THREE out of four pensioners would like to try extreme sports on action-packed holidays. Retired post office worker Nancy Evans, 71, from Devon, said: “I have parachuted. Next year I want to go tornado chasing in America.”‘
Top 3 holidays for oldies: 1. Skydiving’ 2. Shark cage diving’ 3. Scuba-diving.

Watching grannies jumping out of planes might be fun for those in the plane but the only extreme sport I’m into is extreme avoidance of anything that can be labelled a sport. Quote of the day (thanks to Mr Eugenides:

“The only exercise I get is following the coffins of friends who exercised”

– Peter O’Toole

3 Responses to “Granny bashing”


  1. A couple of clarifications, please, for a non-Britisher: what’s a wheel clamper, and what’s a lump hammer?

  2. tomeemayeepa Says:

    A wheel clamper is, I believe, a person who clamps wheels. ‘Clamp’ is defined in the dictionary as ‘immobilize (an illegally parked car) by fixing a device to one of its wheels.’ Am I right in thinking that cars over there also have ‘wheels’?
    I’m happy to say I had no idea what a ‘lump hammer’ was, never having knowingly either used or seen one. I’ve put a picture of one on the post- it appears that it’s a hammer with a lump on the end of it.
    One of these days I must do a post on my miserable attempts to understand the English you use over there.


  3. American cars do have wheels. The closest thing I can find to “wheel clamp” is “boot” (which I believe is British for what we call a car’s “trunk”). I did a search for images, and a wheel boot looks like some wheel clamps and different from others, but they serve the same purpose: immobilizing the car. I think that “wheel clamp” is a much clearer and more descriptive name for the item.

    A “lump hammer” over here is apparently called a “hand-drilling hammer” or “mash hammer.” Pictures and descriptions of the purpose served seem to match. In any case, using one to attack a van would definitely inflict significant damage!


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