what a shower!

October 23, 2006

Trouble at t’mill (or in t’shower) as “an MP called for an independent inquiry today after it emerged that the North Yorkshire police force spent more than £28,000 of taxpayers’ money revamping an en-suite shower for its chief constable. He said the £28,400 could have been spent on two community support officers or two new staff at the force’s hard-pressed calls centre. Mr Willis criticised the decision to appoint the clerk to investigate, saying he is “already responsible” for the issue, and insisted an independent review was necessary.” getedimageaspx.jpg Chief Constable Della Cannings had set up an internal inquiry which would ‘look at “any wider implications of the evidence gathered” to see if there are “consequences” for the “fitness for purpose” of the police authority’s contractual arrangements’. There is speculation that any inquiry into the shower would cost at least as much as the shower itself.

I’m sure we all approve of police being thoroughly washed. For one thing, they would be no good at catching people if the criminals could smell them a mile off. And who would call a bobby to a burglary if you knew you had to disinfect the house afterwards? It’s also right for the top cop to be setting an example of fragrancy. And in her defence Chief Constable Della Cannings lamented the fact that ‘the matter had been personalised to her rather than as a chief constable of an organisation with an enormous amount of work going on in its buildings’ some of it pretty messy I’m sure. But I wonder what sort of shower do you get for 28k? Does it have gold taps or something? Is this an example of the police igniting synergy, something they seem so keen on nowadays? More importantly, do clean cops catch more villains? There is clearly a need for research in this area and if the proposition is found to be true compulsory daily finger nail checks for all police should be instituted as a matter of urgency. girlsgetdunked.jpg Rapid response mobile shower units should be set up for cops on the move and the cops in this picture should be reminded that showering fully clothed doesn’t count.shower.jpeg

For the police station here is a shower I can recommend which any police force in the country could be proud of.luxury_steam_shower_cabinet.jpg It has the following features which would no doubt be of considerable value to the modern police force:
“1) Hand held showr on slide rail-easy clean
2) 4 Neck jets, 8 upper body jets and 4 lower body jets
3) All jets with sequential hydromassage settings
4) Shower valve with diverter
5) Computer control panel with remote control and voice acknowledgement
6) Foot massage
7) Radil and 1 speaker with CD and phone facility
8) Steam with time and temperature settings
9) Steam outlet with provision for aromatherapy oils
10) 2 moulded padded seats
11) Lighting-fluorescent overhead
12) Exhaust fan”
Total cost $2199 so you could toss in some shower gel and a police issue loofah and you’d still have change from $3000.

More recommended products for police showers:

b000fncl0401-abvymd8plec2h_scmzzzzzzz_v51556274_.jpg“philosophy the police man men’s gift set
this police man has vowed to protect and soothe. an outstanding common man, this hero works hard to protect the skin from the effects of the potentially dangerous razor blade. he honors the spirit of the true heroes who are the “a” men and women out there protecting and serving all of us every day. this police man set containing a 3.3 ounce common man shaving cream and 2 ounce amen fragrance is the ideal way to tell the hero in your life how much he means to you.”

“The Shower Police: A Gay Erotic Novella by R.W. Clinger
Brett Hide spends a summer as a counselor taking care of a six-pack of boys. When Hide’s cabin roomie, the hot and irresistible, Marco Tuvetti, exposes a sexy secret, As Camp Minnowtah’s Shower Police, Hide learns a few more secrets, particular about his steamy supervisor, Ian Pierce. As Pierce showers and Hide’s on duty, Hide runs into a sticky situation, which entails lust, obsession, and a likeness for another man’s skin”. (Hmm maybe not).

long-handled-loofah.jpg“Our long-handled loofah sponge is great for reaching those hard-to-reach areas. No plastic here except for the grip; this is a genuine wooden handle and an all-natural loofah sponge. If there was such a thing as an heirloom-quality long handled loofah sponge, this would be it. Not only does it gently exfoliate, it works great as a back scratcher!” (comes in pretty handy when you can’t find your truncheon, too.)

3 Responses to “what a shower!”

  1. SilverTiger Says:

    It is interesting that the report you quote does not say why it was thought necessary to install a shower for the Chief Constable. How many of us have showers or other ablutions installations at our workplace, especially, as is implied here, for one individual’s exclusive use? Most of Britain’s employees are supposed to wash and take baths at home and to turn up for work clean.

    The answer, of course, is that institutions install showers or baths and private toilets for their top management. In other words, this is a status symbol, like a big office, a massive desk with gold-plated inkwell and a trophy PA. North Yorkshire Police Service obviously thinks it has to keep up with the Joneses by not merely supplying a rickety shower in some dark corner but a proper ablutions unit that can be shown off with pride to visiting dignitaries as a worthy symbol of the Chief Constable’s status. An interesting question would be whether there is a log showing how often the shower is actually used.

    I used to work in one of London’s polytechnics (later designated a university) and here too a bathroom had been installed for the director’s private use. The rest of us were supposed to take a bath at home.

  2. tomeemayeepa Says:

    I got the impression at one time that the status symbol was the drinks cabinet. The difference being that the boss could offer a guest a glass of sherry whereas I imagine the Chief Constable doesn’t invite her visitors to share a shower.

  3. SilverTiger Says:

    All that could change: alcohol is now deprecated whereas water is increasingly in short supply. It could be that in the near future offering a guest the use of one’s shower cublicle will be seen as the height of ostentation.

    Just imagine: a transparent water-filled stretch limo meandering through the streets of the city while within, guests swim about under the envious gaze of passers-by.


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